The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (And Chibi Ryouga)
by Louise McCrowe
Summary: Ranma and Ryouga have eaten of the mushroom of ages, what will happen now?
1. The Chibi Ranma 'n' Ryouga show!

The Adventures of Chibi-Ranma (And Chibi-Ryouga) 

by Louise McCrowe 

They fight. And fight. 

And fight fight fight fight fight. 

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! 

The Chibi Ranma 'n' Ryouga show! 

Chibi Ranma was sitting on a pillow, that, in turn, was on the ground. He was rocking back and forth, his eyes wide open. 

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening." 

Chibi Ryouga was pounding into some sand that used to be cinderblocks, also stuck in a trance. 

"NonoNoNONOnoNono... 

Kasumi walked into the living room, tray on hand, and placed it on the dinner table. 

"Chibis, I thought you might want a snack. I hope you like it." Kasumi placed two plates on adjacent places and started filling them up with some food. 

"Thanks Kasumi, but I'm not hungry..." replied a weary-eyed Ranma. 

"Yeah," said Ryouga, pausing from his pounding. Then again, the world was a dark and hungry place... 

"Hey! Get your grubby little hands away from that twinkie!" 

"Back off *munch* Ranma. You said you weren't hungry," said Ryouga while stuffing his face with his grubby little hands. 

Ranma tried to approach the food, but Ryouga whapped him on the cheeks with his thirteen inch sausage. 

Ranma tried to throw a Mouko Takabisha, but with an inch-long penis (stretched), it was hard to muster up a whole lot of confidence. So, Ranma ended up perched atop Ryouga's head, frantically grabbing the food while, at the same time, doing his best to stop Ryouga from ingesting the limited supply of food. Quickly, they finished the snacks. 

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening..." 

"NoNononoNo..." 

~~~\/~~~ 

"You know, I'm pretty impressed at how well they are handling this," commented Nabiki, sipping some tea. 

"Yes, Ranma is usually a lot more distressed than this when he finds himself stuck in a form," Kasumi remarked. 

"So, how old are they now? Eight?" Nabiki asked. 

"No, the mushrooms were more like five centimeters. Maybe five and a half." Akane took a sip of tea, and let out a sigh. The girls were in the kitchen, Nabiki resting against the refrigerator, while Kasumi and Akane were at different sections of the counter, drinking some herbal tea that Kasumi prepared. 

"I wonder where we can find some more of those mushrooms..." 

"Missing him already, sis?" said Nabiki, grinning slyly. 

"What? Me? No, but..." 

"It would be a shame if Mrs. Saotome were to never see her son again, though.," said Kasumi, matter-of-factly. 

After staying silent for a few moments, Nabiki added, "It could get rid of just about all of his other problems, however. After all, even if he is engaged to half the women in Japan, being five, they would have to be... well, beyond crazy to go through with it. Crazy engouh no authority would consider it legal." 

"Ranma probably isn't looking at it like that. If only Ryouga could remmeber where he got those mushrooms..." Akane said. 

"If only he hadn't eaten those other mushrooms the man offered, he might have been able to remember!" 

"True that." 

~~~\/~~~ 

"So, why do we have to take this test?" 

"W-well, see,"Akane began, awfully uncomfortable, "Principal Kuno, as many of the teachers, while, hmmm, understanding your situation, aren't entirely sure if your intellect hasn't..." she brought her thumb and index finger close together, "well, shrunk along with you." 

"Can't we just *show* them we are still as smart as before?" 

"Well," she shoved the two packets closer to the infants, "that's kind of the point of this placement test." 

"Um, Akane?" Ryouga raised his hand, "Why am I taking this? I don't even go to school." 

"Well, since you'll be staying with us until we can get you two back to normal, we thought it would be, well, nicer if you had someplace to be during the day." Someplace where it would be harder for you to wander off, that is. 

Ryouga mumbled something, but otherwise made no indication he was going to complain any longer. 

"Well, here are the pencils. Ms. Hinako," Akane pointed to the girl currently drawing on the boys, "was kind enough to offer to supervise the test." She stood up, and turned to leave the room. 

"Good luck to both of you." 

~~~\/~~~ 

"How could you two possibly score at kindergarden level?" Nabiki asked, perhaps a bit more surprised than she actually should have been. 

"Pay up," whispered Kasumi in Nabiki's ear. 

"If Ryouga here hadn't tried to cheat off me, I wouldn't have scored so low." 

"I was trying to see what you were putting down for 'age'! You were the one who freaked out and grabbed my package!" 

Kasumi covered her mouth, apparently to suppress a cough. Nabiki sneaked a peek at Akane, but there was no change on her little sister's expression. 

"How could you answer so few questions, though? You two stayed in there for a long time--" began Akane. 

"Ms. Hinako. She...well..." 

"She thought we were being too disruptive, and used her coin thingy on us. All the time. 

"Happo 10 yen satsu." 

"Yeah..." Ryouga got a strange look on his face, "it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined, though." 

Kasumi looked painfully at the huge stains on Ryouga's pants and shirt. The longer he kept those clothes on, the harder it would be to get the stains out. 

"So, now what?" 

"Now, we go shopping for school supplies," commented Nabiki. 

~~~\/~~~ 

"Class, we have two new students joining us today, Ryo and Ran," the teacher said. Ryouga and Ranma were registered under different names to avoid suspicion, and most importantly, embarrassment. 

There were a few snickers and giggles from the classmates, but most showed the usual (dis)interest for the extremely embarassed boys. 

The teacher motioned them to take their seats, and Ranma quickly grabbed Ryouga by the sleeve of his shirt, as he was already heading off to the exit. 

Ranma wasn't entirely sure just how accidental that truly was. 

~~~\/~~~ 

"Hi!" a pretty little pink-haired girl said to the two Chibis. 

"Uh, hello," replied Ranma, feeling somewhat odd about this girl. 

"You two are new, right? I haven't seen you in the playground before." 

"Yeah, it's our first day," Ranma glanced at Ryouga, crouched down, doodling on the sand with his finger. Ranma really hoped Ryouga would do someting other than mumble something that sounded like "Doom, doom..." 

Ranma's attention was again shifted to the pink-haired girl, who was now staring intently at them. He wasn't very comfortable with that girl. For one, why was she speaking to them? Ranma could see a small group of girls huddled together, obviously observing the conversation. He didn't know very well how five yeard olds acted, but he was pretty sure she should be staying away also. For some strange reason, Ranma kept thinking this girl was supposed to be a lot older than five. 

"Well?" asked Ranma, tired of the girl's staring. 

"You're a boy, right?" 

"Sometimes," Ranma half-heard Ryouga mumble. 

Ranma took a deep breath. "Yes, I am." 

"Boys don't use pigtails." 

"Yes, they do! Very manly boys, too!" 

Ryouga snorted, but quickly regained his composure, as cackling would destroy the brooding image he was working so hard to get right now. 

"No, they don't. Girls wear pigtails, and ponytails," she tugged at her pair for emphasis, "and long hair, and hairbands." 

"Yes they--" Ranma stopped when he realized what he was doing. He exhaled, and just turned away, to join Ryouga in his depression. 

The girl got a little closer, and walked around the pair of boys so that she could face them. 

"Are you sad?" 

"No." "Yes." 

"You shouldn't be. Is it because of what I said?" 

Silence. 

"I'm Chibi-Usa. Sorry about that." 

The boys looked up at her. 

"I'm Chibi-Ryo." 

"And I'm Chibi-Ran." 

Chibi-Usa stood silent for just a moment before running away, bawling. 

~~~\/~~~ 

"... And then they made fun of my name!" she sobbed to the teacher. 

"Now, Chibi-Usa, I'm sure they didn't mean to make fun of your ridiculous name." 

She sniffed. "You think so?" 

"Oh, yeah," the teacher replied, his bangs falling over his face. "See, a few of you are cursed with stupid hair, crokked teeth, flabby bodies, a few of you will be teased incessantly for the next decade or so for your gender confused manners, or by your lack of physical beauty. Heck, lack of even physical plainness, most of you will grow up to be total eyesores. You have to understand this now, before something really embarrassing were to happen: You have such a stupid name that people won't even realize they are being mean; it's instinctual. It's like..." he looked around, as if for inspiration. "It's like a puppy, when it comes at you with those large eyes, wagging its tail, you feel the need to kick it. It's not bad, or dirty, to have these feelings. There's not a lot you can do to stop yourself." 

He patted Chibi-Usa on the head, and declared, "so, don't feel too bad. They were just following their nature." 

Chibi-Usa let out a sniffle, but seemed otherwise appeased. 

~~~\/~~~ 

"Now, kids, let's see what you did," the teacher proclaimed. "Yakoto?" 

A little girl with short black hair stood up and presented the teacher with her drawing. 

"A crappy drawing of something that could just as easily be a dog as a cot. Beautiful." 

"Horsey!" she exclaimed before sitting back down. 

"Kenichi?" 

Another kid, just as short as the rest of them, lifted a maccaroni picture. 

"W-What? Godamit, no! You do not make a maccaroni picture of the last supper at a shinto kindergarden!" 

After throwing the maccaroni picture into the bonfire, he continued, "Ran?" 

Ran lifted his drawing: A badly drawn stick figure of a boy beating the crap of a black piglet, with arrows and words like "kill", "black piglet", and "crap" to help illustrate everything. 

"Very good! Cute little piglets aren't good for much else other than releasing your natural urges." He looked at Chibi-Usa. "Always remember that. Ryo?" 

Ryo lifted his picture, a boy drawn half-decently, with flowers and sparkles around him, beating a red-haired stick figure of a girl, with another girl, this one with short, black hair, standing besides him, cheering him on. 

"Now, see, if that other girl weren't so obviously happy at the boy beating up that red-haired bitch, this would be unsettling. I am distressed, however, at the lack of tentacles from the picture." Ignoring the two now brawling infants, the teacher moved on. "Moving on. Yamamoto?" 

~~~\/~~~ 

The rain pattered against the window, a droning, soft sound. There was a full moon in the sky, and it bathed the room in an eerie, pale blue light. 

The girl sleeping on the bed looked like a ghost, her skin slightly illuminated, her image fading into the objects surrounding her. She was laying face up, the blanket and covers slightly jumbled, her young nubile breasts, enclosed by her pajamas, rising and falling in a slow, rythmic motion. 

A small figure, which looked like a five-year old hugging a pillow, walked closer to the girl, and as lightning flashed, it was revealed to be a five-year old boy hugging a pillow. The girl stirred a bit, and the boy tiptoed closer. 

"A-Akane?" the boy said, in a timid voice. 

Akane shuffled around, her pajame-clad leg dropping off the bed, her breasts getting closer together, generating a nice amount of cleavage that couldn't really be seen. Very slowly, she woke up. 

"Wha... Ryouga? What are you doing here?" she asked, bleary-eyed. 

"I'm scared of the thunder," Ryouga winced as a thunderclap was heard, for emphasis. "Can I sleep here with you?" 

"Ryouga..." Akane's face was filled with compassion. 

Such compassion was not reflected on the mallet that Ryouga narrowly avoided. 

"The nerve!" shouted Ranma, wielding a wooden mallet about twice his size. "You have no problem finding your way to *Akane's* room, do you?" 

"Ranma, what are you doing in my room?" 

"Go away, Ranma. This doesn't concern you!" 

"And you!" he pointed the mallet at Akane, who was holding her already-not-revealing pajamas even more closed with her right hand. "You were going to let him sleep here, weren't you?" 

"Ranma, what's the matter with you? He's just a four-year old!" 

"Five," Ryouga corrected her. 

"Whatever. You had no problem with us sleeping together when you were in your girl form, did you? If the body makes a difference, how can letting Ryouga, who at this point probably can't get it any harder than a limp noodle, no offense Ryouga," Ryouga shrugged it off "sleep here when he's so frightened *be* such a big deal?" 

"Well, that's different," Ranma stuttered, "It's not like I care or anything, but, do you really want to be known as easy?" 

Ranma wasn't able to figure out what he had said that had made Akane so angry before he was flung out of her room into the ever-convenient koy pond on the yard below. 

Akane briskly took Ryouga by the hand, drew the covers back, and guided him in. Ryouga relished his bittersweet victory, as he knew she'd beat him up in her sleep even more now that she was angry. 

~~~\/~~~ 

"Ok, on the count of three, we go," whispered Ranma, sitting inconspicuously on a branch, surrounded by heavy foliage. 

"Fine," whispered back Ryouga, also hidden among the leaves. 

"Ready? One... Two--" 

"No! Wait!" whispered Ryouga, suddenly. 

"What's the matter?" 

"Is it one, two, three, THEN go, or one, two, and go on three?" 

Ranma looked at Ryouga with an unfathomable expression. "I thought we would do one, two, three, then go." 

"How much time between three and go, though. I mean, if --" 

"Fine, fine, then we do one, two, and go on three." 

"Ok, let's do it." 

"One-- oh, forget it, he's gone already." 

Ranma and Ryouga watched as Mousse got farther and farther away, out of range of the water balloons. 

"Good going, piggie." 

"If you were clear to start with, we'd have nailed him!" 

Just as another discussion was about to start, Nabiki walked past the tree, and noticed the pair of infants. 

"Ranma? Ryouga?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow, "what are you doing, sitting in a tree?" 

They looked at her, in silence for a moment. 

"Nabiki, please--" 

Nabiki clasped her hands behind her back and put on the cutest face she could, and started, in a sing-song voice, "K-I-S..." 

~~~\.../~~~ 

Fanfiction.net seems to really hate my files. Trying to send it straight in HTML to see if THIS works. 

Original Comments: 

Ahhhh.... I could just go on and on and on... I most likely will, this was a fun piece to write. Now, I know there are a few inconsistencies, and loose knots (no duh), such as Chibi-Usa not being kindergarden age, and all of that, but in this piece she IS kindergarden age, and you know what? I don't care if she was eight or nine when she first arrived in this time, or even if Japanese kindergardens don't exist/are different from what I described. Also, please, no one e-mail me saying that Chibis isn't a word. 

I THINK I'm the first to do Chibi-Ranma and Chibi-Ryouga adventures (a search for Chibi and Ranma/Ryouga turned up nothing, except a few R.5/SM X-overs that were talking about Usa), but if anyone else has already done it, I apologize. 

I know I ended it a bit abruptly, but come on, they're vignettes, nothing more. I'm thinking I'll definitely add to this over time, so stay tuned for The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (And Chibi-Ryouga): King of Playground City. 

-mccrowe 

PS: C&C is welcome. 


	2. Lots of stuff happens

The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (And Chibi Ryouga) Chapter 2: Lots of stuff happens  
  
by Louise McCrowe  
  
Last time, on The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (and Chibi Ryouga):  
  
***  
  
"It would be a shame if Mrs. Saotome were to never see her son again, though.," said Kasumi, matter-of-factly.  
  
***  
  
"So, why do we have to take this test?"  
  
***  
  
"Class, we have two new students joining us today, Ryo and Ran," the teacher said. Ryouga and Ranma were registered under different names to avoid suspicion, and most importantly, embarrassment.  
  
***  
  
Akane's hand brushed against Ryouga's crotch.  
  
***  
  
Ranma wasn't entirely sure just how accidental that truly was.  
  
***  
  
"No." "Yes."  
  
***  
  
"Oh, Ryouga, GOD!" she continued, "go! Make me a woman!"  
  
*** And now, for the continuation:  
  
"Well, class, we're running a bit behind schedule today, so here's the deal: we can either learn about morphological constraints on quartz based crystals, or sex ed."  
  
One of the students raised his hand.  
  
"You. Short dude," the teacher said, pointing at him.  
  
"What's 'sex'?" The little kid asked.  
  
"OK. See, there's the bees, and the flowers, OK?" The kids all nodded in unison. "Very well. Then, the bees..." he stopped, a pensive look on his face, "you know," he continued, "I don't think I ever heard that story to the end. They usually just stopped there. My guess, class, is that the bee just went and fucked the flower." He paused for a moment, then slapped his forehead, saying, "what the hell am I thinking? That's not the 'what is sex' story, it's the 'how are babies born' one! OK, yours is easy, girl. Sex is fucking. It's when two people grab their respective mouth/dick/pussy/sphincter and connect it to the other one. The only exception is when the connecting parts are both mouths. In that case, it's just called kissing. I'm not so sure what's called if its sphincters only."  
  
"So, kissing is sex?" the kid inquired.  
  
"No, haven't you been listening, you retard? Kissing is not fucking. What, do I need to draw you a picture? Dammit, you kids get more stupid by the day." He put a tape marked 'Miscellaneous' in the VCR, pressed play, and left, saying "I need a smoke."  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"Kids, as a few of you have insubordinantly commented, we're having lunch a bit late today. Now, a lot of you bring your lunch from home. In case you were wondering, yes, they were pretty good." He let out a silent burp, and continued, "however, we will now engage in a social experiment. Basically, all of you will have to get your food from the same source. That man!" he pointed dramatically at the lunch man standing behind the counter. "Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I called him, and because we're so late, there is not enough food for all of you." The children stood there, unsure of what to do next.  
  
"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID NOT ENOUGH FOOD! WHOMEVER'S LAST DOESN'T GET ANY!" and then proceeded to quite literally kickstart a few of the kids into action.  
  
Ranma stood back and watched the stampede occur, and the lunch man frantically shouting out the names of the item he'd be throwing out to the famished mouths. Finally, he shouted "Banana-flavored strawberry muffin!" which was the one that Ranma was waiting for. He stepped on some kid's head and snathed the muffin in midair, well on his way to gobbling it down when he landed. As he was stuffing the last pieces into his mouth, he heard the boy he had stepped on speak up:  
  
"RaaaAAAAAANNNNMA! That was the one I wanted!" Ryouga shouted.  
  
"Oh?" Ranma replied, through a stuffed mouth. "Well, sorry. What's the big deal? It's only a muffin, anyway."  
  
Ryouga twitched.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Po Po Po Pokemon  
  
Po Po Po Pokemon  
  
Pokemon, Poketto Monsters  
  
Pokemon are the champions!  
  
Change.. into Poketto Champions  
  
To save.. the Poketto World  
  
Pokevolve into champions!  
  
Pokevolve into ultimate!  
  
Kasumi was drawn to the living room by the sounds of the television. Kasumi allowed the thought of getting back at Nabiki for letting the television on all the time to flutter in her mind, but it only fluttered about for a moment. It wasn't too much of a hassle, she reasoned, to turn it off when not in use. She just hoped that Nabiki would think the same way. Quietly, she opened the sliding door, for no reason other than it was she way she was accustomed to act. Sitting in front of the television, she saw three infants in rapt attention.  
  
"Why, hello, Chibi-Ran, Chibi-Ryo. Did you have a nice day at school?" she said, from the door.  
  
"Eh," replied an entranced Ryoga.  
  
"Yeah," answered a slack-jawed Ranma.  
  
"And who might you be, little lady?" asked Kasumi, getting closer to the pink haired girl, towering over her.  
  
"I'm Usagi! People just call me Chibi-Usa."  
  
"I see. How nice." she turned to Ranma, "Ran, wasn't your father supposed to pick you up from school?"  
  
Ranma leaned back his head as far as he could to look at Kasumi right in the eyes. After about ten seconds or so, Kasumi continued, still smiling, "Right. So, would the three of you like a snack?" Kasumi took in the mumbles, assumed they meant yes, and went into the kitchen.  
  
Soon, she returned, carrying a large tray, which she placed in front of the kids. On it, there were three sandwiches and three glasses.  
  
"Here. Warm milk for Ryo and Usagi, and because Ran was so polite just now, here is a nice, COLD glass of water. I'll just leave it right at the edge, so you don't have to stretch out too far to grab it." Ryo and Usa went straight at it, taking pieces out of the sandwiches that barely fit in their mouths, needing all their effort to chew it down.  
  
"Chibi-Usa, is your mommy coming to pick you up later?" Kasumi asked the girl.  
  
"M, ee dn sh p." Chibi-Usa reached for her glass of milk to wash it down.  
  
"Well, if she didn't show up, did you call her and tell you where you were?"  
  
"No, I'm going to let her sweat a bit. Forget me once, shame on you. Forget me twice, it's war."  
  
"That's good," said Kasumi. Then, she noticed Ranma hadn't started yet. "What's the matter, Chibi-Ran? I made the sandwich just like you like it, very dry. Eat, eat ... drink." Without waiting for an answer, she stood up and left the living room, taking one last look. Yes, she thought, she'd make a good mother some day.  
  
Ranma eyed the huge glass of water just barely on the tray. The sandwich was almost touching it. He was hungry, so it wouldn't do to not eat. Carefully, Ranma reached for the sandwich, slowly and avoiding making any sudden moves. One must not taunt the beast. Just as Ranma was getting a hold of the sandwich, Ryoga slammed down his glass on the tray, startling Ranma. The water on the glass swayed, a bit splashing out in Ranma's general direction as if to say "Hey, foxy lady. I'm gonna get ya!"  
  
"Dammit Ryouga!" Ranma said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Wha?" replied Ryouga, his upper lip covered in white.  
  
Ranma ignored him, and carefully pulled the sandwich closer, past the onlooking glass, and placed it on his lap along with the plate. He scooted away a bit, and bit into the sandwich. The soft, crunchy bread, packed with bready goodness, the nice, dry, crispy chicken, the little olive slices Kasumi put in it that he liked so much, the high grade jalapenos, all travelled accross his palate. His eyes started to tear up, and he frantically shoved as much of the sandwich as he could down his throat. He would only get one shot at that water, and he had to make it count.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" Chibi-Usa asked Ryouga, pointing at Ranma.  
  
"Just about everything. He's probably just doing this to get attention." Ryouga said.  
  
"I don't know..." Chibi-Usa remarked, as Ranma tried very carefully to sip from the glass without getting too close to it. "Maybe this can help out," she said, and reached into her backpack, removing a ball shaped like a cat's head.  
  
Ranma had a full body spasm as a result of watching a giant cat head being pulled out of the bag. The water splashed maniacally, drenching Ranma and almost getting Ryuoga, who had put up a smaller version of his umbrella as protection.  
  
"Oh, come on," he said to the red-haired girl, "I saw this one coming a mile away."  
  
"G-g-get that th-thing away from me!" Ranma said as she nervously scuttled away from Chibi-Usa.  
  
"Hey, how did your hair change color?" Chibi-Usa asked, crawling closer to Ranma, still holding the ball.  
  
"Get away! This is not funny!" Ranma kept his distance, trying to come to grips that this was just a cat-shaped ball, just a ball, nothing more than a ball.  
  
"Come on! Tell me! How did you make your hair change color?" she insisted.  
  
"Just get away, OK? That thing gives me the creeps," Ranma said, regaining some of his sanity.  
  
"This?" Chibi-Usa looked at the ball. "It wont hurt you. See?" Chibi-Usa said as she bounced the ball off Ranma's head.  
  
Ranma shrieked like a little girl, but to her defense, there wasn't any other way she could have shrieked at the moment.  
  
Kasumi heard the wussy cries emerging from the living room, and went to investigage. There, she found Ryouga bouncing a ball against Ranma's head, while she tried to frantically get away, throwing food all over the living room. Quickly, Kasumi stepped in between them and took the ball.  
  
"Now stop that. Look at the mess you're creating."  
  
"Well, she started it," Ryouga said, pointing at Chibi-Usa.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"It does not matter who started it, I'm putting an end to this." Kasumi looked around the living room, and at the kids. "Really Ryo, you and Ran should know better. We have to get the three of you cleaned up now. Come on now." Kasumi herded the three kids to the bathroom, making sure that Ryouga didn't lose himself.  
  
"Come on!" Chibi-Usa whined, "How did your hair change color?"  
  
"Will you shut up?!"  
  
"Now, Ran, that's just not polite," Kasumi scolded.  
  
"Um, Kasumi? We're just going to wash our clothes, right?" Ryouga asked, his hands fidgeting a bit.  
  
"Well, I see you are all so dirty, how about a nice bath?"  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"Honestly, Ryo, I don't know why you refused to scrub yourself down first. The furo feels a lot better after a nice cold shower."  
  
"Yeah, Ryo. Why didn't you wash yourself down with cold water first, huh? Huh?" Ranma taunted Ryouga.  
  
"I just didn't, that's why!" Ryouga crossed his arms and submerged himself up to the shoulders in the furo.  
  
"You too, Ran, I had to almost rip those clothes off you," Kasumi said, and started to scrub Ranma's back.  
  
"Yeah, well..." Ranma trailed off. He hadn't wanted to show his girl form, but Chibi-Usa didn't seem to have noticed.  
  
"So, you're a girl? I thought you said you were a boy. I noticed it, you know," Chibi-Usa said, paddling closer.  
  
"I *am* a boy!" He half-shouted.  
  
"Boys have a thing. You don't have any. And you wear a pigtail. Only girls wear pigtails, so there!" Chibi-Usa firmly declared, splashing around a bit for emphasis.  
  
"I do so have a thing!" Ranma started to reach down.  
  
"Chibi-Ran, stop touching yourself," Kasumi said, still scrubbing.  
  
Ranma blushed, and resigned himself to his fate.  
  
~~~\Another Day/~~~  
  
"He *exposed* himself?" Akane said, eyes wide open.  
  
"Yeah," the kindergarden teacher said, "apparently, some of the kids claimed that he and Ryo were more than just friends, putting Ran as the girlfriend, or the bitch position. He vehemently denied this, going off saying he was a man and all that. One of the girls said that boys had dicks and he didn't have one (which I found to be a very low blow), and that was when he took off his pants and said something to the effect of 'Who's da man?!' Here." he opened up one of his desk drawers, "I have it on tape. I was recording it for use in a future lecture, but you might want to have it."  
  
"Um, thank you, sir," Akane said, and took the tape.  
  
"What a sick pervert."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Genma sat in deep thought at the Tendo Dojo. He wasn't exactly sure how, but fate had created a set of circumstances that gave him an amazing oportunity.  
  
Ranma had returned to a state of being five years old. This meant that he could go on a training trip once more with him, and this time, he'd get it right. His son would no longer be an effeminate freak. He would be a manly martial artist. No more pansy techniques that rely on kawaii kitties to work. No, he had been reading up, and that shokushu-ken looked interesting...  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Soun was about to invite his friend Genma for a match of Go, but the maniacal laughter convinced him this probably wasn't the best time.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Nabiki had been running some figures, trying to see how long they had until Ranma *had* to return to his normal self. It wasn't that the family was hurting any more now, Ranma and Ryouga were eating a whole lot less in what Nabiki liked to call their economy size. There had been just about no damages (other than a few little holes in the floors Still, her personal finances were dropping, having become too accustomed to the quick fix that Ranma could always provide. She had grown more careless, not running as many betting pools as before. Why bother, when the odds of greater turn around with pictures were so much bigger? She'd have to do something to stir things up. She tried setting up a betting pool on when would Ranma return, and was impressed at the reaction.  
  
"He's gone?" said Daisuke.  
  
"Oh, yeah, he hasn't been around these last few days, has he?" would quip Hiroshi.  
  
Akane hadn't been helping either, playing down Ranma's dissappearance. Nabiki had needed to start a rumor about Ranma running away to avoid marriage, and another one about him running away to find a way to prove his love. That had gotten some of the girls interested, but not enough. Not like the good ol' days. She felt that she was taking a secondary role in all of this, with Ranma and Ryouga taking center stage, and that worried Nabiki. If she had to describe how much it worried her, she would say that, if all this situation were a chapter in a book, she'd only get two paragraphs on the spotlight.  
  
Or maybe three.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Ranma walked the through the commercial district of Nerima, ice cream in hand, in her girl form. If there was one advantage to being stuck as a five year old was that cute little girls got stuff without being hit upon. Right now, however, Ranma wasn't concentrated on getting free stuff, but was trying to find Ryouga, who had decided he was old enough to go to the bathroom alone, thank you very much, and had never returned. Ranma figured it was just a matter of time before he (or a really small piglet) showed up again, but Kasumi and Akane forced him to help in the search. Really, what was the big deal? What's the worse thing that could happen to a little kid in a big city like Tokyo?  
  
It was while he was grudginly searching for Ryouga that he took notice of a somewhat familiar dog a ways ahead.  
  
"I say, that dog looks somewhat familiar," he said.  
  
Getting closer, he noticed that it was half-black and half-white. Or was it the other way around? Ranma got closer to it, since he liked dogs.  
  
"Hey, there, doggie, how are you?" Ranma said, patting the dog. The dog wagged it's tail, and wuffed once. "You're a nice doggie, aren't you? Lemme take a look at those teeth." Ranma pulled the dogs mouth to reveal his teeth, that he appraised with a critical eye.  
  
"Those are nice, sharp teeth. You hate cats too, don't you?" The dog wuffed a few more times. "Yes you do, you hate cats too. You just chew through them, don't you? Yes you do, yes you do, good doggie oggie hoggie," Ranma played with the dog's ears.  
  
"Wait a minute, I know where I know you! You're White Nigga, Ryouga's bitch, right?"  
  
The dog pointed to his dog collar.  
  
"Hm. 'Checkers'. Yeah, I think that was your name, right? Ok Checkers," Ranma said, mounting the dog, "Lets go!" he pointed dramatically into the horizon.  
  
Checkers stood there, with Ranma on her back.  
  
"To find Ryouga, Checkers," Ranma added.  
  
And off they went.  
  
After about two hours, they finally stumbled on Ryouga, about three blocks from where Ranma had met up with Checkers. Ranma wasn't sure if that dog was losing himself as badly as Ryouga, or just plain following Ryouga's winding trail, or both, but he was more than a little frustrated at wasting so much time.  
  
"Ryouga, can't you at least lose yourself inside the house? Come on, let's go back. It's getting late already."  
  
Ryouga fidgeted a bit, and mumbled some gibberish.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, 'I still have to go'," he said.  
  
"Oh, come ON! You can't still be holding it?"  
  
"You don't see me jumping, do you?"  
  
Ranma looked around, and at the obviously uncomfortable kid.  
  
"Well, I guess we have no other choice, then. Come on," Ranma said, and headed for the closest house around, that looked remotely familiar.  
  
"Will you get off Checkers? She must be tired already," grumbled Ryouga.  
  
Ranma dismounted Checkers, jumped up a statue close to the door, and rung the doorbell.  
  
"We'll just ask if you could use the bathroom. After all, two little kids, a doggie, who can say no?"  
  
"You wouldn't believe how many could say no to just a cute little kid," Ryouga said, frowning.  
  
"Relax," Ranma said, as they heard footsteps approaching the door, "just let me handle this."  
  
The door started opening. "Hello! Could my brother use your--" Ranma stopped when he saw the woman who opened the door. The woman had a stunned look on her face, which vanished quickly.  
  
"I'm sorry. Use my what?" she said.  
  
"BATHROOM! Please!" said a Ryouga obviously unable to hold it any longer.  
  
"Absolutely. Please follow me," she said, and guided them inside the house.  
  
Ranma fidgeted in the main room while Ryouga went to the bathroom, the woman sitting accross him from the table. She set a couple of teacups, with some crackers for Ranma.  
  
"So, little boy, what's your name?" she asked, a faint smile on her lips.  
  
"Ran--" He began, before being able to hold himself back. He tried to save it the best he could. "My name is Ran."  
  
"Oh?" she said. "What a remarkable coincidence. I have a son who looked just like you when he was a little boy, his name's Ranma." she sipped some tea, and continued, "but today he would be sixteen, surely a man among men. Still, the similarity is amazing." She stopped, her head bowing just a bit. "I haven't seen him in over ten years now." She looked at one of the pictures she kept on the table, of a small Ranma happily hugging a cat while sitting on his father's lap, with Nodoka smiling behind them, obviously from before Ranma left. Another picture besides it was much more ragged, apparently having been crumpled before being put in its holder. It presented an apparently sleeping Ranma lying along a cat huddling against him. Ranma remembered that picture, and he was unconscious rather than sleeping.  
  
"Don't worry," Ranma said, attempting to put as much enthusiasm in his voice as he could muster, "I'm sure that you'll see him again soon, and he'll be strong and manly!"  
  
"Thank you," she said, her spirits lifting a bit, "that's very sweet."  
  
"OK, I'm done," Ryouga said, emerging from the bathroom. "Let's go back to the dojo, Ran--"  
  
"RAN! YES, THAT'S MY NAME! LET'S GO, RYO!" Ranma shouted. "Thankyouforyourhospitalitygoodbye"  
  
"Wait, dojo? Wh--" she began, but the Ranma had already ran out, dragging Ryouga and Checkers with him at very fast speeds.  
  
"Wait, please!" she shouted, but it was too late, only a dust cloud remained.  
  
"That was odd," she thought to herself, "Could it be ... no. Still, I should visit the Tendos anyway, I miss the girls." Deciding so, she went back into the house to get ready.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"You're lucky, Ranma," Ryouga said, walking alongside Checkers. "I haven't seen my mother in a long time now."  
  
"Yeah, but if she found out it was me, she'd go nuts! You gotta get used to calling me 'Ran', Ryouga," Ranma said.  
  
"What about you? And it wasn't my fault, I didn't know she was your mother," Ryouga retorted.  
  
Ranma didn't reply. What damage was done wouldn't be undone, no reason to bicker over it. Finally, they arrived at the Tendo house, safe and sound.  
  
"Ah, Ryouga, just the person we wanted to see," Akane said, followed closely by Nabiki. "Could you come with us, please?"  
  
"Sure!" Ryouga said, and gleefully took Akane's hand and followed her and Nabiki, not for a moment thinking about the frilly little dress that Nabiki was holding in her hands.  
  
"What? Hey, what about me?" Ranma complained to nobody in particular, even though Kasumi was standing alongside him.  
  
"Oh, they just thought you wouldn't agree to dress up, that's all. Are you jealous?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"Well, not really... hey, where's Checkers?" he said, looking around for the missing dog.  
  
"She must be in the kitchen, tending to her puppies."  
  
"What? Why are the puppies here? It makes no sense," he said after a moment's thought.  
  
"Silly, she brought them here," Kasumi said, picking Ranma up. "If you're feeling the need for some attention, I'm afraid I'll just have to do," she said, and and started bobbing him up and down.  
  
"Come on, this is sil--WHOAH!" Ranma was caught off-guard as Kasumi threw him in the air, catching him on the way down. Ranma was still protesting when she did it again, actually throwing him pretty high, considering he wasn't a baby. Ranma was starting to enjoy it when Kasumi stopped.  
  
"OK, now, that's enough. You're no lightweight, Chibi-Ran. You must have gotten it from your father." Ranma gave a small chuckle at Kasumi's jest, and gave her a hug, still being held.  
  
"Thanks, I needed that, MOM!?" Ranma shouted the last word, startling Kasumi, as his mouth was pretty close to her ear.  
  
"What-- What are you doing here?" Ranma said to the woman standing in the doorway. Kasumi turned around just in time to see Nodoka Saotome drop a package she was carrying and cover her mouth with both her hands.  
  
"No, no, no," Ranma said, dislodging himself from Kasumi, and approaching the staggering Nodoka. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, mom," he said.  
  
"Oh, child, you don't have to apologize," Nodoka said, recovering. "Not to me, nor to your mother," she said, stepping past Ranma close to Kasumi and covering her hands with her own.  
  
"Oh, Kasumi," she said, pity and compassion in her eyes, "why didn't you tell me?"  
  
----  
  
Fanfiction.net hates my files, re-uploading, hopefully no one noticed that my stories were all weird. -mccrowe 


	3. Attack of the Sheep

The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (and Chibi Ryouga) Chapter 3  
  
There is no chapter 3. I thought it was going to be a funny joke, see how many people got it, but I think all I did was stop people from reading chapter 4 before they got chapter 3. In my original author's notes (depends on where you find this, you will still see them) at the end of chapter 2 said that I didn't want to do a chapter 3.   
  
  
Oh, well. It wasn't that good while it lasted. Go on to chapter 4. It will make references to chapter 3. Play along, or you'll hurt its feelings.  
  
Have fun.  
  
-mccrowe 


	4. Sin Vergüenza

The Adventures of Chibi Ranma (And Chibi Ryouga) Chapter 4: Sin VergÃ¼enza  
  
Last Time, on the Adventures of Chibi Ranma (And Chibi Ryouga)  
  
***  
  
"Who's your daddy?" she asked, shaking him.  
  
***  
  
"Ow! Gonna get in the hot tub! Gonna get all wet now!" he said, dipping his toe in a few times.  
  
***  
  
"Third time's the charm," it clicked  
  
***  
  
"Hello, Mr..." Kasumi left the words hanging.  
  
"Oh, please. You can just call me KT," he said, his bangs falling over his eyes. "This is a very tasty biscuit, by the way."  
  
***  
  
"Oh, my God! You smashed Lenny!"  
  
"You bastard!"  
  
***  
  
And now, the continuation  
  
"Wow, what a week," remarked Nabiki, sipping some tea.  
  
"Yes, it has been rather busy, hasn't it?" said Kasumi.  
  
"I'm just amazed that it seems we didn't really go anywhere," Akane said. The three sisters were in the kitchen, drinking some tea. These little gatherings were becoming almost a ritual for them lately, a chance to talk away from the chaos that surrounded them in normal life. "It's as if things went on a merry-go-round, and we are just right back where we were a week ago."  
  
"Let's see... Auntie Saotome found Chibi Ranma, thought he was Ranma and Kasumi's son," Nabiki started, counting on her fingers, "totally freaked out when she did the math... wanted to kill Ranma, thought better of it... decided on killing Mr. Saotome and daddy instead... Kasumi talked her out of it..." Nabiki took a breath, "and now, she's pretty much living with us." Nabiki stopped, and looked at her sisters. "And that's just one."  
  
"Ranma and Ryouga managed to get back to normal," Akane added, Nabiki extending two fingers, still keeping count.  
  
"Then returned to being kids," Kasumi said.  
  
"The undead giant killer coachroaches went out looking for a queen..." Nabiki added to her growing count.  
  
Akane shivered. "It's the third time already. Don't they understand no means no?"  
  
"Ranma's teacher hit on Kasumi," Nabiki continued.  
  
"He did?" Kasumi asked, perplexed.  
  
"'Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"'?" Nabiki said, exasperated, "Why do you think Auntie Saotome ran after him with the katana unsheathed? Exercise?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by that," Kasumi said, reassuring.  
  
Nabiki shook a bit in anger, then took a deep breath, and let it go.  
  
"There was that anime convention, a few guys got too carried away, hilarity ensued," Nabiki continued on the other hand.  
  
"And, of course, the sheep," Akane said, nodding.  
  
"That goes without saying, Akane," Kasumi agreed.  
  
Nabiki frowned a bit, looking at her fingers.  
  
"That's it? It wasn't such a busy week after all. And how did I ever get my fingers so dirty?"  
  
"I guess those sheep really took their toll, huh?"  
  
The three girls stood there in silence, thinking back on the week, drinking tea.  
  
"Kasumi, honey, where are the children?" said Nodoka, entering the kitchen slowly, Checkers following closely.  
  
"Oh, they're off at a friend's house. Don't worry, they're fine," Kasumi replied, and smiled.  
  
"Just look at me," Nodoka said, blushing, "worrying like an old woman. I'm sure they fine, it's just... I've missed on my child's upbringing... I don't want to miss out on my grandchildren's."  
  
Kasumi just smiled sympathetically, and Nodoka left, Checkers staying for the promise of a future morsel of food.  
  
"That reminds me, where are they?" Nabiki said.  
  
"I think Ryouga is trying to find where he got the mushrooms from again," Akane replied.  
  
"And Ranma?" asked Nabiki, standing up from the table.  
  
Akane sighed, and answered, "Looking for Ryouga."  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"This is ridiculous," thought Ryouga, "There is no way this can be happening. It didn't use to be so bad. I was able to follow Ranma through a strange continent, can't I go around town without losing myself?"  
  
He was standing on a strange street corner, surrounded by the usual evening crowd going about their usual business. He thought about life, Akane, and the unfairness of the world.  
  
"No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark," he said, depressed.  
  
"Everyone around me is a total stranger," he said, looking around, noticing a few people staring at him "Everyone avoids me like a psyched lone ranger. Everyone.... "  
  
Ryouga looked up, squinting a bit at the sun, "I think I'm tu--"  
  
"Ryo! Hey!  
  
"Ran--", Ryouga caught himself. Lately, there had been an annoying trend of someone they knew popping up suddenly, and they had to be careful not to give out their names.  
  
"Man, we went through this already. You wont find those mushrooms just walking around, just give it up," Chibi-Ran said, his shoulders slumped.  
  
"Give up? Give UP? Did I give up when you ran away to China? Did I give up when you pushed me into that damned spring? Did I give up when I spent over three hours holding it in because no one apparently cared enough to let me use their bathroom? No! I wallowed in self-pity and moved on!"  
  
"Now, aren't you a cute little thing?" a feminine voice said.  
  
Ryouga turned around to see Ukyou scratching the top of Ranma's head, a smile on both their faces.  
  
"How old are you, by the way?" she asked Chibi-Ran.  
  
"Well, uh..." Ran's smiled faded a bit, and he became a bit uncomfortable.  
  
Ukyou's face became one of mock seriousness, and she said, sternly, "Well, do you know how to count?"  
  
"Sure I do, it's just, well," he began to tap his foot.  
  
"You remember me, I gave you a hug a few weeks ago, remember?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, still looking embarassed.  
  
"You must be, what," Ukyou said, her smile returning, "three?"  
  
"I'm five!" he said, then realized he'd been tricked.  
  
"That's nice. Just look at you," she said, gently stabbing him in the belly, forcing a giggle out of him, "you're so cute I could just eat you up!"  
  
"He-hey! I'm cute too! How come he's the only one that ever gets attention?" Chibi-Ryo finally let out.  
  
"That's how it's going to be our entire lives, isn't it? You will always get the girls, no matter what!" Ryo's voice became louder, "I can be strong, I can be polite, I can be as cute as Pikachu, but they will always flock to you!"  
  
Chibi-Ran and Ukyou stood there, uncertain of what to do with the child that was apparently throwing a fit. There was a certain uncomfortable familiarity to this situation that troubled Ukyou. Something about the cute kid and his brother... or friend.  
  
"Well," Chibi-Ran began, "the girls chose to dress *you* up, didn't they?"  
  
For some reason that Ran couldn't quite figure out, that didn't really give Ryo any peace of mind. Ryo launched himself at him, shouting "Damn you! Prepare to die!"  
  
Ukyou quickly pried the two kids away from each other, holding each one in one hand.  
  
"OK, enough of that. You two shouldn't be fighting like that. And why? Because a girl you like," she looked at Ryo, "is more interested in this cute little fella?" she made a cute bunny face at Ran, "That is no reason to fight. You shouldn't get in between two people that love one another. Look at you," she shook Ryo, "Short, black hair. Typical." She frowned at the little boy, gripping his shirt even more tightly. "Aren't you a bit young to be interested in girls anyway?"  
  
"He's got cooties!" Chibi-Ran said, a wicked smile on his face.  
  
Ryo, roaring, reached over and managed to rip Ran out of Ukyou's grip. A startled Ukyou let go of Ryo, and the two kids disappeared into the crowd. Ukyou tried following, but lost sight of them quickly.  
  
She only wondered about how two little kids could disappear so fast for a moment. In her mind, she was more preoccupied with this incredible sense of deja vu. Something very familiar about those two kids, she couldn't quite place her finger on it, but she was sure it was something important. She shrugged, and resumed her walk home from the market. She hadn't seen Ranma in about a week, and was hoping he'd drop by again. Even then, it had been for only a few brief minutes, he said something about a training trip, and having to go back "for the stupid pig." She'd begged him to stay for a while longer, he'd already been gone for almost a week, she could bake him a pork okonomyaki if he wanted, and he promised he'd be back soon.  
  
She was going to clobber that moron the next time she saw him.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"OK, children, enough coloring for today," the kindergarden teacher said. "Do you kids know what time it is?" he asked, his face lighting up with a smile.  
  
The teacher looked around to see if any enterprising student would take the initiative and offer a suggestion. Most of the kids were just staring back at him, their cadaveric faces accentuated by their hollow eyes. A few were still clutching their crayons, and there was one laying on the ground, muttering something that sounded like "dood? good?" Something like that.  
  
"Tsk. Bunch of unenthusiastic kids," he said, his smile fading just for a second. "Well, it's lunch time!" he said. Most of the kids managed to sit up straight at this, and the one on the floor had already started rolling to the door. Chibi-Ran was so hungry by this time he didn't care what he got, as long as he got something, anything. He, along with the rest of the class, sped to the door, only to be intercepted by an umbrella wielding Chibi-Ryo. He swung his umbrella like a baseball bat, launching Chibi-Ran through the open window. Ryo held the pose for a moment, a grin plastered on his face.  
  
"Uh, Ryo?" the teacher asked, "why did you just do that?"  
  
"Nobody's touching my buns again!" he declared with pride, and ran out of the room, leading the charge to the food, rolling kid following suit.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
Inside the Cat Cafe, things had slowed down, lunch hour long gone. In it were only a couple that arrived late, Cologne tending to things in the back, and Shampoo, slowly cleaning the tables. She went through the usual circular motions, and without any fanfarre, any of the usual bounce, she went on with her duties. Her gait was slow, her shoulders hunched, her feet dragged.  
  
The door opened, and she turned expectantly at the sound, a smile on her face, her eyes wide open and shining.  
  
"Ra-- oh," she said, and noticed that it was only Mousse coming back from making deliveries. Ranma had been gone for a long time now, and she missed him. Sure, she saw him with that pig-boy fighting the sheep, but it was only for a fletching moment. He seemed a bit older, his chest bare, wearing a torn loin cloth instead of pants; she paid good money for a few pictures that the mercenary girl took of him in that state. She had called to him, and that was the last she saw of him, just as Ryouga shouted "Watch out for that--" and the sheep headbutted him. The two of them were then dragged into the distance by the raging stampede. She had faith in her airen, and she was too busy handling a few sheep of her own to help. Now she wished she had just jumped in after him.  
  
Mousse watched as Shampoo went back to cleaning the tables, her attitude similar to that usually reserved to those six feet under. He swore that he could hear her sniffle.  
  
"Curse you Ranma, I'll make--" he was cut short when a small boy-sized projectile (about five years old or so) impacted against the side of his head, being the cause of his subsequent unconsciousness.  
  
"Uh? Where... " Chibi-Ranma mumbled, looking around.  
  
"Aiya! You again!" Shampoo said, picking up the still-dazed Ran. "You too too cute! Strong, too. Look. You knock out silly boy." Mousse showed some signs of life by groaning a bit and shuffling, and Shampoo promptly kicked him in the head.  
  
Ranma tried turning in Shampoo's grasp to take a look at Mousse and felt a sharp pain in his left temple, where he hit Mousse's head.  
  
"You have boo boo?" she said, checking his skull, "Shampoo fix that," and proceeded to give the sore spot a little kiss, in the process glomping him close to her chest. Looking down at him, glued to her chest, she said "Cute kid hungry? Shampoo go make some noodle, special for you," and went on to the kitchen, leaving him at the counter.  
  
Ranma touched the tender spot on his head, groaning. Damn, that Mousse was thick-headed. He took a look at the unconscious body on the floor and accidentaly dropped the cash register on him.  
  
Attracted by the noise, a shriveled up old monkey came into the main area of the restaurant, perched atop a stick. Cologne came in close on its heels, took back her cane, and shoved the monkey into the back area of the restaurant once more. Muttering, she turned to see Chibi-Ranma atop the counter, nursing his noggin.  
  
"Ah, hello son-in-law. Long time no see," she said, and went into the back. A few seconds later, she returned, pale as a ghost, which was actually an improvement.  
  
"Fuckin' A."  
  
"Hi Cologne. Nice to see you again."  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"So, you don't know where I can find these mushrooms?" Ranma said, crestfallen.  
  
"No, child," she snickered a bit, "I do have knowledge of a few herbs, but those turn a person extremely old, or a few roots, which turn a person extremely young, none of which would really be of your interest. Why, if I knew where to find such shooms," she said, a glint in her eye, "do you think I'd look like this?"  
  
"Then... then there is nothing you can do?" he said, distraught.  
  
"Well," she clapped her hands, "I can offer to adopt you, take you back to China with us," she smiled.  
  
"Uh, no, thanks. Plus, why would you want me now? I'm weak as a puppy, I could barely smash Mousse's head," he said, depressed. As the words sunk in, along with realization, he looked up at Cologne, who was smiling wickedly back at him.  
  
"You-- you won't get away with this!"  
  
Cologne hopped closer.  
  
"They'll come looking for me!"  
  
Cologne pogo-jumped closer.  
  
"Happosai will miss my girl form, come looking after me and a cure, and follow us to your village."  
  
Cologne paused in mid-jump, forgetting to hit the floor. She stood there, thinking.  
  
"Well?" Ranma asked, still not feeling in the clear.  
  
"Shush, boy. Can't you see me standing here, thinking?"  
  
Ranma remained quiet for a few more seconds, examining Cologne's expression. When his stomach couldn't handle it anymore, he decided to examine the smell of noodles. Hey, he felt better already.  
  
Shampoo bounced into the front of the restaurant, a big platter of ramen on her hands.  
  
"Ah, great grandmother met too too cute kid. What you think? Cute or too too cute?" she said, tickling Ran's nose.  
  
"Yes, just delightful," Cologne said, after a pause. "Well, *Ran*, I hope to see you again ... soon. Hey, are you listening to my ominous warning?"  
  
Ranma was already halfway through the ramen.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
The panda opened the door to the dojo, tiptoeing in as much as a panda can tiptoe. Sitting inside was Chibi-Ran, practicing a few of the katas he'd taught him when he was a little boy. Just like now.  
  
"Hello pop," Ranma said curtly.  
  
"Son," he signed, "when will you just let it go? Nothing should keep a father and his son apart."  
  
"You smashed them," Ranma said, his voice rising. "They were our only hope!"  
  
"I didn't look where I was sitting, I'm sorry!"  
  
"Then you threw the remains in the fire!"  
  
"I tripped," Genma signed. "It was a very chaotic time, with your mother around all the time now, the crisis... Son, do you really think that I would have destroyed the mushrooms that Akane had kept secret on purpose? That I would have kept you as a child? What for?"  
  
Ranma stayed silent, going through his katas. A backpack landed near him. Ranma turned to see his father with a backpack already strapped on.  
  
"Come on, boy," his sign said, "nothing to do now but to go on a training trip."  
  
"Why, you..." Ranma said, in an angry whisper, "No, no way in hell. Get Ryouga if you want, 'cause I'm not gonna!"  
  
"That kid bites. You're coming with me boy," he signed, "I am your father!"  
  
"NOoOoooOOoooOo!"  
  
The dojo door slammed open, revealing an angry Nodoka wielding her family katana.  
  
"Get away from my grandson!" she roared.  
  
"Oh, poop," read the sign.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"I still say it might be a good idea to neuter him," Nodoka said, cradling Ran in her arms.  
  
"Now, Auntie, we shouldn't do anything drastic," Akane said, a nervous twinge to her voice. Behind her, a panda was crawling around at an uneven pace. "I'm sure that Ran wasn't in any danger, now were you Ran?" She looked at Chibi-Ran, held in his mother's arms.  
  
"Bad panda," he said, and sniffled.  
  
Akane couldn't believe her eyes. Ranma was just going to let this happen to his father?  
  
"Are you sure you couldn't forgive him?" a sign over Akane read.  
  
Ranma almost let a smile through, and said "Well, I'm hungry..."  
  
Almost immediately Genma was back with some appetizers for the kid.  
  
"Thirsty, too..."  
  
Akane felt something tug at her skirt, and turned around to see what it was.  
  
"Chu!" said Ryo, two red circles painted on his cheeks, his arms raised high.  
  
"Ryo, not now, I have to talk to Ran first," she said, and turned back to try to put some sense into the pampered brat. Before saying anything, though, she realized something and turned around to face Ryo.  
  
"Chibi-Ryo, is that my makeup?" she said to nothing but empty air, Chibi- Ryo nowhere to be found.  
  
"This drink is hot!" Ran said, throwing it back at the panda.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"Dammit," Ryouga cursed, head downcast.  
  
He was sitting on the steps of the Tendo residence, alone in his melancholy. He felt the nip in the air, but didn't really feel cold. A bird chirped away on a tree, oblivious to Ryouga's depression.  
  
"Why couldn't I be more like that bird? Free, happy, without any troubles..."  
  
The bird then dropped dead on the ground.  
  
"... and he's still better off than me." Ryouga felt his eyes growing warm, and he shook his head, trying to escape that familiar sensation.  
  
"Not here. They'll just find me, I know they will," he thought. If he left, though, Ranma would just go looking for him again. He had to stay close by this time, not lose himself. Looking around with rapidly blurring eyes, he figured there was only one place he could go to hide and not lose himself. Someplace very fitting, in his mind.  
  
Quickly, he scurried under the foundations of the house, and there, in the dark, he wept.  
  
"Dammit," he cursed again, his tears smudging his makeup. His eyes were becoming used to the dark, and the flow of tears had been short. Looking around, he ...  
  
"Well, damn."  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"Ryo, just come out of there," Ran shouted.  
  
"No! Just go away!" Ryo screamed from down under.  
  
Ran came a bit closer to the entrance, and said, in a lower voice, "Listen, if it's about the pig thing--"  
  
"Will you shut up!" he shrieked, "what if she hears you?"  
  
"Oh, come on, there's nobody else here. Plus, I call you P-chan all the time, anyway."  
  
"Still," Ryo said, appeased somewhat, "just leave. Leave me alone!"  
  
"Hey, if I gotta blast you out of there--"  
  
"NO!" he screamed, "Anything but that!"  
  
"What?" Ran asked, almost to himself. That didn't sound like Ryouga he knew. The silence following Ryouga's shout showed that he had realized his slip as well.  
  
"OK, what are you doing down there?" Ran asked, starting to crawl in.  
  
"Nothing! Go away!"  
  
"Where the heck-- there you are," he said, finally spotting Ryouga. "Ok, spill it," he said, crawling closer.  
  
Ryo tried to intercept Ran, but the other one was just too fast for him.  
  
"What the-- HEY! These are those mushrooms!" Ran said, when he saw what Ryouga was trying to hide.  
  
"Just don't touch them! You'll end up killing them like all the others," Ryouga said, panicked.  
  
"Oh, stop being a baby," Ran said, "Let's pick them up and take them somewhere safe," and so saying, he procedded to pick one of the smallest ones up, only for it to snap at the stem.  
  
Ryouga whimpered, his eyes wide open.  
  
"Oops. Heh," Ran said, apologetically. "Maybe it is best to leave them here for a while, we can get Kasumi to put them somewhere else."  
  
Ryouga nodded vigorously.  
  
"Wonder how they got here..." Ran wondered, thinking about how those mushrooms could have gotten there...  
  
"One of the little ones must have fallen through this crack here. Ryo pointed at at a small crack above them, where a sliver of light was coming from.  
  
"What is this, the dining area?" Ran said, taking a peek through it. "Oh, Akane's wearing green panties today-- HEY!"  
  
Ran punched Ryo. "You pervert! That's what you were doing here!"  
  
"What? Akane's there? I don't believe you, let me see!" he said, scrambling to the crack.  
  
"Where are those voices coming from?" Akane said, twirling about, her skirt lifting up.  
  
Ryouga let out a cry of joy, muffled by Ranma's hand.  
  
"Listen," he whispered, "we either get out of here quietly right now, or we're both in trouble."  
  
Ryouga bobbed his head up and down lazily, a dreamy look in his eyes. Ranma had to drag him out of there.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
The children were drawing quietly, the teacher reading a book at his desk. While a few of them were concentrating in their drawrings, most of them were eyeing the teacher oddly. A few were concentrating very hard on drawring so that they didn't have to look up.  
  
"Uh... uhm," Chibi-Usa lifted her hand high in the air. The teacher seemed oblivious to this, and kept on reading his book.  
  
"Ahh..." Chibi-Usa kept trying to get his attention.  
  
Finally, the teacher noticed something was amiss, and put the book down, a first edition of the Necronomicon. "Yes, Chibi-Usa?"  
  
"Are you OK?" she asked, putting her hand down.  
  
"Well, yes, thanks for asking," he said, with a faint smile. "Is that all?" He reached for his book.  
  
"Uhm, well..." Chibi-Usa didn't quite know how to proceed.  
  
"Oh, come on, be a man and ask whatever it is you want to ask already."  
  
"Did you... did you know there's a giant spider on you?"  
  
"Where?" he said, looking himself over.  
  
"On... on your face?"  
  
He looked forward, and there was indeed a giant spider attached to his face, almost as big as his head. "Well, what do you know," he said as best he could with the spider blocking his mouth, "there *is* a giant spider attached to my face. Now what are the odds of that happening, huh?"  
  
He picked his book back up, "Well, don't worry children, the poisonous animals are usually very colorful, as a warning. Like peacocks, for instance."  
  
"It's... it's red, yellow, blue, and green, sir, teacher, sir," one of the other kids said, nervously.  
  
"Well, fuck," he said, annoyed, "somebody get a gun and shoot this blasted thing off me, then!"  
  
Some of the children were off already to go fulfill their teacher's wishes when he said, "Oh, forget it, I'll just do it myself," and took a desert eagle from his desk drawer.  
  
Oh, don't worry. He had very good aim.  
  
~~~\/~~~  
  
"And that, kids, is why guns save lives," the teacher said, bandaging the arm of the kid the bullet ended up hitting. "Animals, like cute little piggies or giant colored spiders, are dumb, and irrational." He tightened the bandage a bit more, "The loud noise was enough to scare it out of my face and within reach of you guys, and did you see how easy it was for you to kill it when you were motivated enough? Why, Kurosota-san, for instance, throwing Kimiko-chan in the path of the spider to save his own self, gave everyone time to grab some kind of hitting instrument. Good job Kurosota!"  
  
He stood up, looking around the classroom. "Well, anyway, I'm pretty sure that spider must have been endangered, if not presumed extinct. Whomever delivered the final blow is gonna have to fess up. Now, who was it?"  
  
One of the kids raised his hand.  
  
"You did it? Good."  
  
"N-no, sir. It's just that... you did it. Remember?" he said, worried.  
  
"Yes, indeed, because if I hadn't, I'd be extinct instead of it, and that makes it alright," he smiled at the class, then looked at his watch. "Oh, hey, it's lunch time already!"  
  
That classroom was empty by the time he finished that sentence.  
  
~~~\End of Chapter 4/~~~  
  
Chapter 5 isn't really coming along, I wish I could say the opposite, though. I just can't come up with enough stuff to put there, might even write chapter 3 before 5.  
  
-mccrowe 


End file.
